Saturday, July 5, 2014

Gonna try to be better, but no promises...

Has it really been years since I posted here?? Why not just delete the damn page then? Laziness, I can only assume. Anyway, I'd have blamed the stress of infertility--which definitely made me abandon this blog in the first place--except Maria's first birthday is two weeks away and I have no excuse for not keeping it up with it more recently. Well, no one cares regardless so there's no one to apologize to! The benefit of not having a following or a mission or anything. We've been on Big Island for 4 days now and it already feels like home. Despite not having any furniture yet, or knowing a soul, or really having my geographical bearings yet...I'm just waxing nostalgic about our honeymoon (the last time I was here) and remembering all that I loved about this island. To start with, there's just so much damn space. It doesn't even feel like an island, at least compared to Oahu. You can breathe here in a way that's just not possible in the city. I'll have to get re-acclimated to longer driving times though. Twenty-thirty minutes to get to the store is just not on my radar anymore, but a small price to pay for some privacy.
Real talk though, I'm already missing all of Maria's friends back in Honolulu. I'm so grateful that Mommalove will be here for her 1st birthday or else I'd be an inconsolable wreck the entire day. We were so blessed (is that the right word? I need a secular word for blessed) with friends and family on Oahu--I suppose I just need to work to cultivate something similar here, though I worry about being a crazy lady who just tries to befriend everyone I meet with a baby. Still, I think we're all loving it here. Even the Motorcycles, though they were a little more resistant understandably. Bessie is currently MIA though, scoping out her new surroundings. Buddy gave it a valiant effort earlier this evening though he's back to sleep in the living room like a good indoor kitty. That's fine, so long as he understands the little box situation is coming to an abrupt end this weekend. Seriously, show of hands--who deals with a litter box on the long term? I don't even get your patience. It hasn't even been a week yet and I'm so far over it I can't even see the ground. Well, it's 8:30 which I'm ashamed to admit is real close to my bedtime. Here's hoping for another exploratory day of this fantastic new island.

Friday, August 12, 2011


So, I vented on FB about not having babies and being sick of talking to people about it. And The Chief didn't think it was appropriate or ladylike. Fair enough. But judging on how frequently I curse and vent without any comment from him on there, I have to assume the real problem is that he's upset because he is one of the people constantly bringing up that I should have kids right now. It all started the day of my bridal shower in fact, so I think it's safe to say I've been hearing this from people for long enough. As evidence, here's some of my FB statuses that didn't raise his ire:

July 13: Goddamn it. I'd say this makes me angry, but I'm sure the Milk Board would just chalk it up as PMS and tell me I need to drink more milk.

July 8: I'd think this would be a no brainer and I'm sure it's my fault for making my phone number easy to find, however - I'm not interested in part-time business opportunities, pyramid schemes, or w/e other bullshit you're peddling for extra $$. So if you'd like for me not to wish you dead, do not under any circumstances give my number to your "business associates" and have them call me at 7:23am HST. You know who you are.

June 19: Happy Father's Day to all the poppas out there...especially the best one ever, Michael Berry (aka The Chief) [ed note: Added for brownie points as I'm sure this whole post will only piss him off more]

May 20: I surely don't qualify anyway, but in case Jesus is taking a headcount--Anyplace that won't let me bring my kitties isn't a place I want to go.

April 27: "I will not accept that Jesus is the son of God until I see the long form birth certificate." [ed note: Added because I still think it's funny]

April 20: Fuck yeah it is.

February 25: got a call to perform a lesbian wedding in June 2012. Yay for equality!

January 12: It comforts me sometimes to know that, if there is a Hell, Sarah Palin will most assuredly spend her eternity there for all the ignorance, hatred, and stupidity she spreads with no personal accountability for her actions.

November 14: hates people.

So, in retrospect, I need to use less profanity perhaps, not just on FB but also in real life. On the other hand, to thine own self be true. I am often crass, vulgar, and opinionated. It's what makes Chelsea, Chelsea. Why should I curtail my behavior for people on FB when I would never dream of asking them to do the same for my benefit? I welcome anyone who is in any way offended by something I say to tell me about it, and if I was really out of line I'll change my tune, or alternatively, you can either stop talking to me IRL, unfriend me, or simply remove my updates from your newsfeed. Plenty of people on my friends list drive me up the G-D wall with posts that, if not as profane, are at least as annoying and pointless. And I think most people know that I think you should be required to know the difference between there/they're/their before graduating middle school, but while I might jokingly (and possibly annoyingly) correct, I don't get upset or ask them to stop what they're doing.

The real issue, in summation, is that he didn't like the implication because he is one of the people frustrating me with this. And I get it. He wants to be a grandpa x2 and he's impatient. I know and understand it's well-meaning which is why I've let it go on for over 2 1/2 years, and why I haven't up to this point gone off on anyone for asking or even politely demanded they stop. But the bottom line--as frustrating as it may be--is that having kids is something that's between me and Mike. Only. Period. End of sentence. We're not being selfish by not sharing the intimate details of our life, we're simply entitled to that privacy. And being asked nearly daily about it doesn't make me any less stressed or annoyed, no matter how good the intentions.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Interesting fact: In The Netherlands, it's still politically correct to do blackface. Even Santa is cool with it.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Another postcard today! This one from China and I have no idea what's going on on this card. My best guess? He's working in his book garden when he spots a book of witchcraft. So, reading it, he hops on a broom and goes for a ride. But then suddenly he realizes he's late for band practice. While he's playing, he smashes a pumpkin drum and has to barter his pig with a farmer for a replacement.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Another postcard! This zoo cartoon is from Holland and I don't want to know what that boy is doing to that hippopotamus.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Crazy Neighbors...Again

True to form I've been putting off telling this story because it's just SO LONG WINDED, even by my standards. I'm finally putting pen to paper so to speak so without further adieu, here goes.

When last we left our crazy neighbors, Crazy Bitch was drunkenly screaming in our window (go here). I thought things were resolved--not great, but at least settled. So then I give them an electric bill (dropped in the mailbox as we obviously don't speak). We had always split utilities based on number of tenants with our previous neighbors and that's what we'd done the first month's bill after these ones moved in too. But then the husband (hereafter referred to as Crazy Bastard) gives us a check for only 50% of the bill. Uh, lo siento sir but there's five of you living up there, and two of us, you dig? So, being the calm voice of reason between us, Mike goes to talk to him about it. Let's be honest, we all know I'd end up crying, or calling him a cunt and not settling anything. That's how I roll.

So Crazy Bastard basically says that since we were so adamant about following the lease that night in March, he though it best to follow it on everything. Two things here: First, he was referring to me telling Crazy Bitch to GTFO of our yard even though she was quick to point out she's allowed there to do laundry. Seriously. So this cements my belief that they still somehow think I was in the wrong that night, which blows my goddamn mind. Anyway. Second, our lease is vague and just says the utilities are split between tenants. On their's, the landlord used a copy from one of his other properties and so it said the utilities are split in half.

Technically, they've got the upperhand because our lease doesn't actually refute it, but come the fuck on. Landlord admitted it was a mistake, there are five of them, and this is something we didn't agree to so you can't hold us to your lease, you know? So Landlord tells them to resolve it--either come up with a fair compromise, or pay the difference. They chose not to do anything, which is their way. So cut to me calling and texting Landlord for weeks, talks of shutting off utilities, etc. Basically, a hot mess.

Finally, Landlord tells them he's spoken with the owner who says utilities will be split per person from here on out. Crazy Bastard says ok, so I deliver the next set of utility bills, along with the one he only paid half of. True to crazy form, he only pays 50% and adds a note that he will still be following the lease in regards to the bills. I lost my shit. I called Landlord and left an angry voicemail about how they're still not paying, I'm shutting all the shit off, they're insane...you get the idea. Of course, getting my voicemail, Landlord is pissed too and calls Crazy Bastard screaming. Pay it forward, you know?

Immediately Crazy Bitch comes running down the stairs and pounds on the door. You had to know that was coming. Meanwhile I can hear Crazy Bastard upstairs screaming "This is harassment!" while their kids are trying to tell them to leave us alone because the dispute is between them and Landlord, not us. Shame when your kids are the voice of reason. I calmly open the door and she's screaming "Do you have a problem? I think you have a problem" I told her I did, of course which she couldn't believe. She starts going off about the lease, so I told her she can go on about it but *our* lease doesn't say 50/50 split, so...you know, basically go fuck yourself. Caught off guard, because she's used to just talking out her ass and doesn't really know what's going on, she demanded to see the lease. So I said ok, locked the door, and went to get it.

Meanwhile my phone was ringing with Landlord calling back so Mike dealt with Crazy Bitch while I talked to him. As an aside, Landlord is irritatingly lazy when it comes to our property but he's gay and caddy so I still love him. He tells me Crazy Bastard is threatening to sue (again) and that they're gonna be evicted. Asked me to write something up describing what happened on St. Pats (Luckily I just took all the snark and profanity out of the last Crazy Neighbors post) so he could give them a written violation of the lease as a first step to getting them out.

I can't fault him for it of course, but I think Mike messed up with the neighbors. He calmed her down, explained everything, and even listened to their side of things. Basically they said they're gonna fight super hard to not pay more of the utilities as a way to stick it to Landlord, etc. Mike just bashed on Landlord with them because he's frustrated by him a lot too. I'd have been more like, that's great for you but you're fucking us out of the money so I'm not down. But Mike is more reasonable than me. Whatever.

So then there was a lot of back and forth with Landlord and property owner about what to do, which resolved the utilities in a very boring way. But the more important part is that Crazy Neighbors agreed to a mutual termination of their lease with the owner. So they have to be out by the end of this month, just cutting their lease in half. Should be the end of it, right? But no.

June 1st Crazy Bastard texts Landlord and says they're ready to move out that day so he needs to come by and do a move out inspection. Landlord says no, since they're supposed to pay through the 30th. If they want to move out early they can but it's abandoning the property and security deposit, etc. So once again Crazy Bastard threatens to sue, not just for...well, whatever he thinks he can sue under here, but for emotional distress. He's trying to claim that as a result of Crazy Bitch's altercations with me she needs counseling because she's so upset. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Granted, I think she needs counseling, but more to prevent her from being a Crazy Bitch who screams at people's doors when she's upset, not for anything resulting from that. So Landlord and I giggled a lot, and he gave Crazy Bastard his lawyer's contact info and said to have Crazy Bastard's lawyer talk to him. Since he obviously wasn't expecting that and has no case, he backed down and agreed to pay through the end of the month. Pussy.

So that's where we're at right now, and hopefully there won't be any more developments in the story, besides the celebration Mike and I will have at the end of the month. I'm thinking champagne and fireworks. Suggestions?
So my favorite postcard ever arrived. Check out these grizzly bears! And on the back he wrote:
"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind,
"Pooh," he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you."

Love, love, love it.